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Sarah had always been close to her mother, Eleanor. Though Eleanor had a tumultuous relationship with a man named “Mark” for several years, Sarah never imagined he would become her sole caregiver. After Eleanor suffered a debilitating stroke, Mark stepped in, insisting he was best equipped to handle her care.

Initially, Sarah was relieved that her mother wasn’t alone. However, her relief quickly turned to unease. Mark began to restrict family visits, claiming Eleanor was “too fragile” and that visitors “overstimulated” her. Sarah noticed changes in her mother that alarmed her. Eleanor’s nails were long and dirty, and she often had an unpleasant odor, suggesting a lack of basic hygiene.

“Something just isn’t right,” Sarah confided to her sister. “Mom always took pride in her appearance. Now, she looks neglected. Mark won’t let us see her alone, and he always seems agitated when we question her care.”

During brief, supervised visits, Sarah observed that Eleanor appeared withdrawn and fearful. She seemed hesitant to speak freely, often glancing at Mark before answering simple questions. Sarah also noticed that Mark seemed to be driving a newer, more expensive vehicle than he used to, and that he was making comments about Eleanor needing “expensive medical equipment”.

One day, while dropping off groceries, Sarah overheard Mark on the phone, arguing loudly about “needing more money” and “her assets.” This raised serious concerns about Mark’s motivations. Sarah also discovered that recent withdrawals had been made from Eleanor’s bank account, and that Mark had recently been added as an authorized user, which Eleanor had never mentioned.

Sarah’s growing fear was compounded by Mark’s increasingly hostile demeanor. He became defensive and accusatory, insisting that Sarah and her siblings were “interfering” and “trying to take Eleanor away.” He even threatened to call the police if they continued to visit.

Sarah’s concerns included:

• Physical Neglect: Eleanor’s poor hygiene and unkempt appearance suggested a lack of basic care.
• Social Isolation: Mark’s restriction of family visits isolated Eleanor from her support system.
• Financial Exploitation: The unexplained bank withdrawals and Mark’s comments about Eleanor’s assets raised red flags.
• Emotional Manipulation: Eleanor’s withdrawn behavior and fear suggested she was being emotionally manipulated or intimidated.
• Sudden change in care giver: The sudden change in main care giver when the person has a history of on and off relationships with the victim.

Sarah knew she had to act. She documented every instance of neglect and suspicious behavior and contacted the local Adult Protective Services. She also consulted with a lawyer specializing in elder law to discuss her options for protecting her mother.

This scenario highlights several key aspects of elder abuse:

• The abuser often isolates the victim from their support network.
• Physical neglect can be a sign of deeper abuse.
• Financial exploitation often goes hand-in-hand with other forms of abuse.
• The victim may be afraid to speak out due to fear or manipulation.
• A sudden change in care giver, especially involving a person with a questionable relationship with the victim, is a major red flag.

This example illustrates the importance of trusting your instincts and taking action when you suspect elder abuse.

Elder financial abuse is a heartbreaking reality, often hidden in plain sight. It’s a betrayal of trust that can leave our most vulnerable seniors emotionally and financially devastated. As a community, we must be vigilant and proactive in protecting our elders from those who seek to exploit them.

What is Elder Financial Abuse?

Elder financial abuse occurs when someone illegally or improperly uses an older adult’s money, property, or assets. It can take many forms, and often the perpetrator is someone the senior trusts – a family member, friend, or caregiver.

Examples of Elder Financial Abuse:

• Unauthorized Use of Funds: A family member uses the senior’s debit card without permission, or writes cheques from their account.
• Forced Financial Decisions: A caregiver pressures a senior to change their will or power of attorney.
• Fraudulent Schemes: Seniors are targeted by scams, such as lottery scams, investment fraud, or home repair scams.
• Theft of Assets: Personal belongings, jewelry, or even the senior’s home are stolen.
• Misuse of Power of Attorney: Someone with power of attorney uses the senior’s assets for their own benefit, not for the senior’s well-being.
• Isolation and Control: A perpetrator isolates the senior from family and friends, making them dependent and easier to manipulate.
• Failure to Pay for Care: A person responsible for paying for the elders care, fails to do so.
• Sweetheart Scams: A person forms a romantic relationship with a senior only to steal their money.

Recognizing the Signs:

It’s crucial to be aware of the signs of elder financial abuse:

• Sudden changes in the senior’s financial situation.
• Unexplained withdrawals or transfers from bank accounts.
• Missing belongings or valuable items.
• Unpaid bills or eviction notices.
• The senior appearing fearful, anxious, or withdrawn.
• Isolation from family and friends.
• The senior mentioning new “friends” that seem to be overly interested in their finances.

What to Do If You Suspect Elder Financial Abuse:

If you suspect someone is exploiting an older adult, take action immediately. Here are some key resources in Canada:

• Report to the Police: If you believe a crime has occurred, contact your local police or the RCMP. In emergencies, call 911. For non-emergencies in Calgary, the number is 403-266-1234.
• Contact Adult Protective Services (or equivalent): Every province and territory has agencies that investigate abuse, neglect, and exploitation of vulnerable adults. Search online for “adult protective services [your province/territory]” to find the local agency.
• Reach Out to Elder Abuse Support Organizations:
  • The Canadian Network for the Prevention of Elder Abuse (CNPEA): cnpea.ca
  • The Advocacy Centre for the Elderly (ACE) (Ontario): 1-855-598-2656, advocacycentreelderly.org
  • Carya Calgary (Calgary): 403-705-3250 (Elder Abuse Resource Line), caryacalgary.ca
  • Kerby Centre (Calgary): 403-265-0661, kerbycentre.com
  • Sage Seniors Safe House (Edmonton): 780-454-8888 (24-hour helpline), mysage.ca
  • Alberta Elder Abuse Awareness Council: Search online to find their most up to date contact information.
• Contact the Public Guardian and Trustee (or equivalent): In Alberta, 1-877-427-4525.
• Inform Financial Institutions: Alert the senior’s bank or credit union about suspected abuse.
• Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre: 1-888-654-9426, or online at antifraudcentre.ca.

Prevention is Key:

• Stay Connected: Maintain regular contact with older loved ones.
• Educate Seniors: Help them understand common scams and how to protect themselves.
• Encourage Open Communication: Create a safe space for seniors to discuss their finances.
• Seek Legal Advice: Consider consulting an elder law lawyer for advice on powers of attorney and estate planning.
• Monitor Financial Transactions: If you are a trusted family member, keep an eye on unusual financial activity, with the consent of the elder.

Protecting our seniors is a shared responsibility. By recognizing the signs of elder financial abuse and taking action, we can make a difference. Please share this information to help raise awareness and protect our vulnerable elders.

Love is a journey filled with ups and downs, and when your partner grapples with symptoms of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD), it adds an extra layer of complexity. This blog aims to shed light on what it’s like to have a partner with OCPD, how it impacts your relationship, and practical ways to offer support.

Understanding Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder: Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) is different from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). OCPD involves a pervasive preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and control. Individuals with OCPD often set extremely high standards for themselves and others, leading to rigidity and a strong desire for things to be just right.

Living with a partner who has OCPD can be challenging. The relentless pursuit of perfection may lead to tension, as your partner might expect the same level of perfection from you. This can manifest in various ways, from meticulous household arrangements to rigid routines, causing strain on the relationship.

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. When dealing with OCPD, it becomes crucial to express your feelings openly and honestly. Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and concerns as well, fostering a safe space for both of you.

Understanding OCPD is a crucial step in providing meaningful support. Familiarize yourself with reputable sources and seek information from mental health professionals. This not only equips you with knowledge but also enables you to approach the situation with empathy and compassion.

While offering support is important, it’s equally vital to encourage your partner to seek professional help. A licensed therapist or counselor can provide valuable insights and coping mechanisms, helping your partner manage their symptoms effectively.

Setting healthy boundaries is essential in any relationship. When your partner’s OCPD tendencies become overwhelming, assertive communication about your own needs and limits is crucial. Seek compromises that allow both of you to feel comfortable and respected.

Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection: It’s essential to celebrate the small victories. Recognize and appreciate your partner’s efforts to manage their symptoms, even if progress is gradual. A supportive environment that values growth over perfection can positively impact your relationship.

Loving someone with OCPD requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to growth. By fostering open communication, educating yourself, encouraging professional help, setting boundaries, and celebrating progress, you can build a strong foundation for a healthy relationship. Remember, you are not alone, and seeking support from mental health professionals can make a significant difference.

References:

1. American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.).
2. National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. Retrieved from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-personality-disorder/index.shtml

We all have ways we escape negative feelings. Often referred to as opt outs, are ways to peace out from the darkest parts of ourselves that bring discomfort. Your opt outs may just present differently than someone who is addicted to legal or illegal substances. People will opt out by scrolling on their phone for hours, by therapeutic shopping, comfort eating, sleeping, avoiding, binge watching Netflix or through video games. The difference is that those “opt outs” may not appear to impact your ability to function in society. You may still be able to hold down a job even though when 5 o’clock hits you immediately jump on your console and game for 6 hours straight, thus getting nothing else accomplished resulting in feelings of not being good enough or shame.

 “I bring this up so that people think a little bit differently about addiction and the stigma that comes with it.” 

Addiction, often perceived in isolation, is frequently intertwined with underlying trauma. Here I aim to delve into the intricate relationship between addiction and trauma, highlighting the significant correlation and the impact of unresolved trauma on addictive behaviors. By exploring existing research and psychological insights to uncover the narrative that addiction doesn’t typically manifest without a history of trauma. 

In many cases, addiction stems from unprocessed trauma. Research suggests that experiences of trauma, whether emotional, physical, or psychological, can significantly increase the risk of addiction as individuals seek relief from their pain. Trauma survivors often resort to substances or behaviors as coping mechanisms to numb emotional distress or memories associated with their traumatic experiences. This inclination towards addictive behavior may be a direct response to unaddressed trauma. Neuroscientific studies suggest that trauma can alter brain function, affecting areas associated with decision-making and emotional regulation. These alterations may lead to a heightened vulnerability to addictive tendencies. 

Addressing trauma is crucial for breaking the cycle of addiction. Failure to acknowledge and treat underlying trauma can perpetuate addictive behaviors, leading to recurrent cycles of substance misuse or compulsive habits. 

Getting to the root of trauma rather than seeking more surface level coping skills and strategies (healthy or unhealthy) can build a deeper understanding of individual trauma or “micro traumas” to alleviate the need to turn to opt outs. While most people would rather be tortured than to actually sit with their emotions, it actually does the opposite of what you think it does. It dissipates and the brain can let it go after you face it and process it, leaving you feeling lighter, more hopeful and able to move forward in a more healthy way.

References

Trauma and Substance Abuse: The Need to Connect, Journal of Addiction Research & Therapy

The Relationship Between Trauma and Addiction, Psychology Today

The Effects of Trauma on the Brain and Addiction, National Institute on Drug Abuse

Trauma-Informed Care and Addiction Treatment, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

The 1980s was a decade filled with iconic music, neon fashion, and the rise of the personal computer. But it was also a time when parenting styles were evolving, and the concept of “love” could take on various forms. For some, the 80s brought with it the feeling of not being loved and experiencing rejection, especially from mothers. In this blog, we’ll explore the complexities of 80s parenting and the emotional toll it has taken on countless individuals, with references to historical context and personal experiences.

The 1980s marked a period of significant change in parenting norms. As dual-income households became more common, latchkey kids emerged, often coming home to empty houses after school. The absence of parents during crucial hours contributed to feelings of neglect and rejection for some children.

The 80’s marks a time characterized by the Influence of the “Me Generation”: The “Me Generation” mentality, characterized by self-focus and career-driven aspirations, had a profound impact on parenting. Parents were often more occupied with their own lives and ambitions, which could lead to emotional neglect and a sense of rejection for children.

The 1980s saw evolving roles for mothers, with an increasing number entering the workforce. While this was a significant step toward gender equality, it could sometimes result in a lack of emotional connection between mothers and their children, leading to feelings of unmet love and rejection.

The introduction of technology, such as personal computers and video games, offered both entertainment and distraction for children. While these innovations had their merits, they could also contribute to children feeling disconnected from their parents.

Experiencing a lack of love and emotional support from a parent can have long-lasting effects. In the 80s, as in any era, individuals coped with these feelings in different ways. Some sought solace in friendships, while others turned to self-help books and therapy. Some still try to cope with feelings of disconnect and feeling unlovable due to parents not evolving and still being stuck in this way of life. 

While the 80s may have left scars for some, it’s important to note that healing is possible. Seeking professional counseling and building supportive relationships can help individuals process their feelings of rejection and not feeling loved.

The 1980s were a time of change in parenting norms and family dynamics, which could result in feelings of not being loved and rejection, especially from mothers. While the era had its unique challenges, it’s crucial to remember that healing and personal growth are attainable. By seeking support and understanding the factors at play, individuals can navigate the complexities of their past and move toward a brighter future.

References:

1.     “The ’80s: In Search of a New Identity,” The Atlantic. [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/03/the-80s/426855/]
2.     “The Me Generation,” Time Magazine. [https://time.com/3185939/the-me-generation/]
3.     “Feminism and Motherhood in Western Europe, 1890-1970,” Routledge.
4.     “How 1980s Technology Changed Our Lives,” BBC. [https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/guides/zpxj92p/revision/7]
5.     “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” by Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D.
6.     “Recovering from Rejection: The Painful Journey to Healing,” Psychology Today. [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/202007/recovering-rejection-the-painful-journey-healing]

Infidelity, often seen as a breach of trust and a betrayal within a relationship, is a complex issue with roots that run deep within the dynamics of a partnership. While it’s easy to point fingers at one party, it’s essential to recognize that infidelity is frequently a result of actions and interactions involving both individuals in the relationship.

Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. When partners fail to communicate openly and honestly about their needs, desires, and concerns, it can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of neglect, ultimately increasing the risk of infidelity.

In some cases, infidelity may stem from a growing emotional disconnection between partners. Both individuals bear responsibility for nurturing the emotional connection, and a lack of effort from one or both parties can contribute to infidelity as an attempt to fill the void.

Intimacy is a vital component of a romantic relationship. A lack of intimacy or a decline in physical affection can drive individuals to seek it outside the partnership. Responsibility for maintaining intimacy lies with both partners, and it requires ongoing effort.

Unmet emotional, physical, or psychological needs can trigger feelings of dissatisfaction within a relationship. Both individuals should be attuned to each other’s needs and work together to address them, thus reducing the risk of infidelity.

Research has shown that relationship satisfaction is a key factor in infidelity. If both partners fail to prioritize the health and happiness of the relationship, it can create a breeding ground for extramarital affairs.

External factors such as stress, life changes, or opportunities for infidelity can play a role. However, how both partners navigate these external challenges together can either strengthen the relationship or lead to infidelity.

Recognizing that infidelity is a shared responsibility is the first step toward rebuilding trust and healing a relationship. Both individuals must be willing to work on the underlying issues and engage in open, honest, and non-blaming communication.

Infidelity is rarely the result of the actions of just one person within a relationship. Instead, it often arises from a complex interplay of factors involving both partners. By acknowledging this shared responsibility, couples can work together to strengthen their relationship, improve communication, and rebuild trust, ultimately fostering a healthier and more resilient partnership.

References:

• “The Importance of Communication in Relationships,” Healthline. [https://www.healthline.com/health/importance-communication-relationships]
• “Emotional Disconnection in Marriage,” Marriage.com. [https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/emotional-disconnection-in-marriage/]
• “The Importance of Physical Intimacy in a Relationship,” Psychology Today. [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/202010/the-importance-physical-intimacy-in-relationship]
• “Understanding the Needs of Men and Women in Relationships,” Verywell Mind. [https://www.verywellmind.com/male-and-female-differences-in-love-and-desire-2302889]
• “Predictors of Infidelity and Their Psychological Mechanisms,” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
• “Infidelity and the Science of Cheating,” Psychology Today. [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-love/201105/infidelity-and-the-science-cheating]
• “Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity,” Marriage Counseling in Denver. [https://www.marriagecounselingdenverco.com/rebuilding-trust-after-infidelity/]

Building self-esteem and confidence is a journey that often requires support and guidance. Therapy can be a transformative tool in this process, helping individuals identify and eliminate limiting beliefs that hold them back. In this blog post, we will explore how therapy can work toward building self-esteem and confidence by addressing and challenging these barriers. Discover effective techniques and strategies that empower personal growth, enabling you to unlock your true potential.

Understanding Limiting Beliefs:
Limiting beliefs are deeply ingrained negative thoughts or perceptions about ourselves that hinder our self-esteem and confidence. Through therapy, you can develop awareness of these beliefs, understanding how they impact your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Identifying and recognizing these limiting beliefs is the first step toward dismantling them.

Cognitive Restructuring:
Therapy often utilizes cognitive restructuring techniques to challenge and replace limiting beliefs. This approach involves examining the evidence supporting or contradicting these beliefs and developing alternative, more empowering perspectives. By reframing negative self-perceptions, therapy enables you to build self-esteem and confidence from a foundation of self-acceptance and self-compassion.

Uncovering Root Causes:
Therapy provides a safe space to explore the root causes of limiting beliefs. Through introspection and guided discussions, you can uncover past experiences, traumas, or societal messages that have shaped your self-perception. Understanding the origins of these beliefs allows for targeted interventions and healing, fostering personal growth and increased self-esteem.

Embracing Strengths and Achievements:
Therapy encourages individuals to recognize and celebrate their strengths and achievements. By focusing on positive aspects of yourself, you can counterbalance the impact of limiting beliefs. Therapists may employ techniques such as positive affirmations, gratitude exercises, or journaling to help you shift your self-perception toward a more confident and self-assured mindset.

Developing Coping Strategies:
Therapy equips individuals with practical coping strategies to navigate challenging situations and confront self-doubt. Your therapist may guide you in developing assertiveness skills, effective communication techniques, or problem-solving strategies. By arming yourself with these tools, you can face obstacles with resilience and reinforce a positive self-image.

Embracing Self-Compassion:
Therapy fosters self-compassion, a key ingredient in building self-esteem and confidence. Learning to treat yourself with kindness and understanding allows for greater self-acceptance and the ability to let go of perfectionistic tendencies. Therapy helps individuals embrace their worthiness and cultivate a positive inner dialogue, nurturing self-esteem from within.

Therapy serves as a transformative journey toward building self-esteem and confidence by addressing limiting beliefs. Through cognitive restructuring, uncovering root causes, embracing strengths, developing coping strategies, and fostering self-compassion, therapy empowers personal growth and unlocks your true potential. Remember that each person’s journey is unique, and therapy offers a personalized and supportive environment for your individual needs. Embrace the power of therapy to eliminate limiting beliefs and embark on a path of self-discovery and empowerment.